Warm sweet gifts, and other demented things on Amazon
I recently started a job that involves looking at a lot of products on Amazon and reading reviews of them. This is like an anthropological experiment for me because I stopped using Amazon three years ago, and the last thing I bought was a miniature microphone in 2018 as a secret Santa gift.
Nothing on Amazon is a product made by a real company anymore. They’re all fake companies making cheap versions of products that look similar to a name brand. Like boots from the brand GLOBALWIN or a sweater from MEROKEETY. And of course, whom among us hasn’t bought luggage from acclaimed suitcase brand SHOWKOO. When I’m on the hunt for a quality kitchen knife, there’s only one name I trust and it’s BLOOMBY.
There are a lot of articles written on this phenomenon. Sometimes I’ll see a product that is at first glance is a pair of name brand shoes from Adidas, but then you scroll to the reviews and there are several people saying “these shoes run two sizes small and came with dog poop smeared on the bottom. I don’t think they’re real Adidas.”
They also have descriptions written by a robot and insane product photos. Below are some screenshots I’ve been collecting the past few weeks are my favorite grammatical nonsense, unhinged reviews, and strange images on the cursëd website.
This was the image for a water bottle shaped like a penguin. I’m pretty sure it was meant for children because the bottle was very small, but here they demonstrate more elegant uses for it such as bringing it to a classy wine and cheese picnic or displaying it in your chic modern kitchen.
Cakes from the Cake Boss bakery always looked like shit.
I love shoes that are both lightweight and deodorant. Especially if I can wear them for both gardening and folk dancing.
One of those shirts that says like “JOHN& PAUL& GEORGE& RINGO” except it says “WORK& FARM& PASTURE.”
Warm sweet gifts. Mother - son love. This is a listing for knee high socks, to be clear. Just buy her knee high stocking as gifts for her on the Christmas. Without any doubts.
Just incredible writing.
This listing was for a tiny planter that looked like a toilet. Quirky! I’m sorry I meant toliet. As in Romeo and Toliet. If I remember correctly, this person did include a photo of the toilet planter filled with rat food.
Can you guess what kind of product this image was used for? What part of the image jumps out at you this most? If you guessed that this was used to demonstrate the possibilities of hem tape, then you are correct. Clearly, this curtain has been hemmed. Nothing else to see here!
They still gave it four stars though.